last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize