your parents love me but you hate me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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