i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
