hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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