Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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