Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
