I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
