Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
