Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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