i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize