Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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