there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The air taste purple.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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