i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
