Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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