Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
