You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
