i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
