i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dude. I can hear the air.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
