I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
