But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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