He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
