Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
