Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
