i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
