Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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