I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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