I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
