i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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