Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
where am i from again
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
