I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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