ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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