I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
