Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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