Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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