Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
