If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
