Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
