I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
