my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
