my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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