just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
