we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need water and some morals
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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