You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
