its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
