im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
