This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
