that's an acceptable place to lick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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