I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
