quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
