Duck Duck Cougar?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
