I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
