Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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