I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize