I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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