I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
