I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
