ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
