dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
