I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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