She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
