we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize