me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
