That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize