if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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