A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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