I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
