grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my phone needs a breathalizer
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am naked and annoyed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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