Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
