"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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