well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
