My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
