I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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