So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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