oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
