I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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