just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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