Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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