we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
