I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
