sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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