The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
