I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
