My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize