I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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