dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
