I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
