Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
