I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
