Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
