Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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