I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
