For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
pray to the hookup gods
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
