The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
