I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
