i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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