if i died would you start the facebook group?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
