omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
