If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
