she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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