guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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