O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
