did you get engaged???
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
