I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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