I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
