I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
