I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
