"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize