You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
