don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
